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Author: Julia (217.25.199.---)
Date: 06-18-07 18:45
Hello, everyone.
Last 2 month I investigated relationships of our, Ukraininan, women and foreign man. I hope my conclusions may be usefull and help someone to understand the "other side" or even himself/herself.
I will be glad to read here your comments and additions.
Starting with a social level.
If we will look at the society as a whole, we can see a big difference in Ukrainian and European way of living and level of material and spiritual values.
For example in Ukraine it is cool to drive an expensive and "big" car, even in small cities, where roads are not adapted for foreign BMW or Mercedes Benz.
And in Holland bigger part of citizens ride a bicycle and do not care about how do they look like in a suite and with a briefcase when riding it.
Why?
Because the main value for ukrainians is social respect and surviving based on material state. And in Europe (not for newcomers but for permanent residents) the main value, to my opinion, is self-realization.
Many ukrainians work because they "have to", accepting their work as a "necessary evil"., they don't love their work and keep their workplace till they are paid enough for it. When young people enter the University, they mostly choose that speciallity, that is paid more than others and that it is easy to find job with. It is "cool" to be an economist, lawyer or medician, especcially if in your family noone had such an occupation.
My research of european motivating factors shows that european people work bease they "want to" and choose that profession which satisfy his or her individual talent and abilities. Often young (and mature) people chose Arts and humanities to study at University, even working at the same time in "not perspective" places like fast foods and markets to provide for education.
I have relatives in Italy and Germany and they tell me that wealthy people take as their social duty to take care about lone aged people or invalids.
When I asked my friends (different occupations and sex) if they had $20 000 per month would they give one day in a week to less-fortunate people like invalids, lone aged people or orphans, they mostly said "no". Why? Because "the State" has to take care about those people. But unfortunately our State cares only about itself.
All this is because of our History and cycles of social developement, if you know the History of Ukraine for last 80 years you'll understand why people have to fight for living.
Ok. How about dating?
So. If we will take a just-married couple of an Evropean man and Ukrainian woman we may expect this:
Ukrainian woman dreams about: stability (own house, car, good job for a husband, good school for children, all municipal services on high level, and enough money to afford all this and some more like vacasion in other countries, good restraunts etc.)
She feels loved when: she sees tolerant and polite attitude, taking into consideration her tastes and wills, named "honey, sweet" and good attitude to children and her relatives.
She is affraid: to be alone, to work with high responsibility, to change the living place often and to save money on every trifle(!).
She can forgive: breach of faith, arguing, alcohol drinking and lovely humiliating.
She can not forgive: greediness, silence, "home slavery", bad attitude to children, sexual perversion.
Ukrainian women in most cases take a husband as a chief in their family and rarely are initiative (especially in business)
Ok. Let's talk about European man.
Evropean man dreams about: femininity (that wonderfull trait of our girls), partnership (understandidng each other problems and help in solving them, high responsibillity in relationships, taking family as a business team with goals and priorities); outstanding housekeeping and economy, proper upbringing of their children, social activity and decent presentation of her husband.
He feels loved when: woman respects and appreciates him highly, calls him "dear, hero", listens to him and gives him good advises, saves money and make him, his house and children look happy and beautiful.
He is affraid: to be betrayed, to be fooled financially, to get into big debt, to be lied and to loose his face in neighbors, co-workers, familly's eyes.
He can forgive: not-ideal appearance, no willing to work, sexual disactiveness, lack of cooking skills.
He can't forgive: breach of faith with his best friend, bad attitude to children, squandering and brought-out of home scandals.
The interesting detail is that subconsciously every foreign man who makes a family with woman from Ukraine (or other economicaly defective country) acts like a benefactor and thinks that HE is a person who choose, not the lady. So often he makes high demands to his future wife and often gets a disappointment.
Instead, Ukrainian woman often expects less than she gets and often lives more happily than she was prepared for.
As you see, European (and may be American. Australian) men have much in common with our Ukrainian women but also they have many differences.
As a psychologist I recommend you to ask yourself few questionsbefore searching for your soul-mate:
1) What is the aim of my marriage? What do I want to atchieve in 20, 30 or 40 years?
2) What can I give to my second half and will it satisfy his or her basic values?
3) What may I donate to my beloved for my magnifiscent love?
4) What do I want to recieve in gratitude from him/her and can he or she satisfy my willings?
5) Will this bring me happiness and make my life more valuable?
This article is not a verdict. This is only my opinion on the topic.
I thank you for your attentyion and interest and looking forward for your comments and additions.
HAVE A NICE DAY AND A WONDERFULL LIFE!
JULIA
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