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Author: Sam (---.dsl.irvnca.pacbell.net)
Date: 05-09-06 17:23
Lorentz, thanks for the apology; it was not necessary in my opinion; although it is interesting how quickly you apologize for your unintentional errors when you offer Elena your bare back for your intended teasing remarks!! Yes, I am taking a shot! I hope you don’t mind!
I agree with the observation that our government has an agenda; I am an optimist but not when it comes to governments. I recall only 20 years ago, all a Russian had to do was say “I want to defect” and they would get the royal treatment into our country ahead of everyone else; and now we give them a lesser treatment than to the uneducated, unskilled people who sneak into our country in the middle of the night. I am not against giving Hispanics a chance to be productive in our economy; I am simply pointing out the hypocrisy of our government and its uneven-handed treatment of its individual citizens' needs and the needs of those who want to come here.
My disappointment is also rooted in something larger than my own impediments in marrying a foreign lady; I think many American men at least secretly wish they could look elsewhere for their life’s partner. There is a shortage of men in Russia and Ukraine; there are more men in the US than women, even when you look at our age group statistics; it makes sense to facilitate these marriages; what’ s more, I think these intercultural marriages not only help return some real family values back into some of our homes, but also they help us relate to, understand, and coexist more peacefully with cultures these women come from. Some of the things posted on this very forum show clearly how much such integration may be helpful. As for family values, among all my married friends since college; three who married foreign women are still married (7-15 years now) while the two who married American women are divorced, having lasted 2-5 years! I don’t think that is an accident! Having been to Russia, I am more convinced marriage with Slavic women is a safer bet for some of us American men and the ladies as well.
There is an opposite side to this coin also; Russian media and society at large looks down on these marriages. There was a well-known TV series in one episode of which they chronicled the abusive treatment of a Russian girl at the hands of her sadistic American husband who eventually killed her; then there was another segment about an American couple who adopted a Russian child who died in their custody. Russian media, probably run by men who despise their women who choose foreign men over them, are very creative in inflaming the few cases of abuse to turn the tide. This, as well as an unchecked and largely distorted sense of nationalism runs rampant in Russia today, but it most pointedly against our men going there for their women. I witnessed this many times in Russia. I was having a drink with a Russian girl in the lobby of a five star hotel in Petersburg when a half-drunk Russian man belonging to a group of men who had been staring us down the whole time, came up to us and said to her in Russian, “How much to have sex so won’t have to sleep with this dog!” I did not know what was being said until it was over. Later she told me what she told him in response; “I am not looking for sex with insults; and even for that I wouldn't choose you; I am looking for a real man for marriage & obviously you are not the man for that!” The security removed him before he had a chance to get angrier. That is another reason why I did not like at all the posts about scammers: there are enough people making this joining of sincere people difficult enough; we do not need to throw in our own poison of suspicion and negative vibes.
I spoke to two lawyers today, one in an office visit, both of whom seem to think that the K-1 visa should be easier for me, although I did get a sense they thought it was easier for them too! I think I am reconciled to the notion that I must wait 6-7 months. One firm guarantees the visa; if she does not get it, I get a refund for all the fees. In my case it is not too long to wait; I am seeing her again in June and then again in October; we speak everyday and feel connected. I can wait. Still, I thank everyone for your input; and those who have something to add, I ask that you offer it still; it is of interest to me and all those who will eventually travel this path.
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