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Carlos Xuma
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Seeking Validation and Approval



By Carlos Xuma



Demonstrate your independence and show women that you have a life outside of pursuing them.



Part of our needs as humans is to get validation along the way to assure us and make us feel approved of. We sought this validation and approval from our parents and peers when we were children, and we never really let go of that need when we had to "grow up."



Limit the amount of approval you need from other people. You can't worry too much about what other people think about you. It's easy to go through life seeking approval and never really accomplish anything because you're trying to please everyone. You can't, and it's a belief that you must leave behind. (Willie Loman in Death of a Salesman fails to achieve for this same reason. He thinks it's better to be liked than to achieve worthwhile goals.)



What this means for you in dating is that you need to be able to communicate, through subtle and not-so-subtle methods, that you do not need her approval. A woman will not feel attracted to a man if she feels she has power over his sense of self-esteem.



How do you communicate this?



One way is to find and pursue your own personal interests. This can be as simple as a hobby or a sport interest, like swimming or weight training.



The best way you can demonstrate your independence is to have goals outside of a relationship.


Carlos Xuma
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php

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