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Why Marriages Fail

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Anthony Peters
Some marriages fail, some succeed, and some just seem to limp along somewhere in between. Why marriages fail may seem like a great mystery to those involved, but marriage counseling and professional therapy have done a great deal to expose this mystery. Therapists reveal to us that successful marriages share certain things in common: good communication, patience, forgiveness, personal accountability, and care.

Listening & Understanding

The first and perhaps the most common reason why marriages fail is that people won't listen to one another and seek understanding. They just assume everything and every thought. There are few very good listeners in the world. Often we'll listen well to a co-worker and not to our wife and hence we take each other for granted. We assume that we know what the other thinks. We make up our minds about the other's motives when conflict arises. We need to fight through the power struggles to find a healthy balance in the marriage.

Proverbs 18:2 says, "A fool has no delight in understanding but expressing his own heart". Are you a fool who just likes to express yourself and are not interested in what your spouse has to say on a subject that you'd disagree on? Or are you wise, actively listening and seeking to understand your spouse, willing to yield where it will help solve a conflict with your spouse and willing to satisfy your spouse's emotional and physical needs? Here's some marriage advice on how to meet those needs.


Another main reason for marriage failure is lack of adjustment. In today's world due to the right to equality to both the sexes, there is less understanding and adjustment in the married life. Both partners want to live their individual lives even after becoming one. Where husband, being a man, is not ready to change his attitude and understand his partner and believe his spouse should take care of everything. A wife, on the other hand, because of the right to equality in modern world, is also not ready to accept his dominance and changing her views and attitude. A husband wants his wife to adjust to the new environment and to new family completely. While women, being a modern woman, wants the equal participation from the husband. The simple example being, today's woman is working outside too so her job is increased to 24 hours not only limited to house & family. Those men who do not understand that and help their wives in doing the simple house chores, can have huge arguments leading even to divorce.

To have a successful marriage there should be proper understanding which will bring to better adjustment on both the sides. While wife can change herself and her attitude to an extent husband should also try to understand her and modify his beliefs and attitude according to the demands of family life. Woman always appreciate even the minor help given by husband, minor as vacuuming the house, washing the dishes. This can give her time to do something else in her list.

Negative Pattern

According to the research done over the last two decades, negative patterns can destroy a relationship. Negative pattern is when partners respond to each other negatively, making the conversation hostile. Peter 3:9 says, "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult." But this is exactly what happens when there is negativity in the conversation. Instead of coming back with negative comments after negative comments there needs to be unconditional love meaning acceptance of one another's feelings. Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight. During these heated arguments partners often use reckless words and statements that can do great damage to a marriage.

Research also shows that couples who have a good marriage are less prone to this negativity. And if the argument, they are able to stop the negative process before it erupts into a full-blown fight. There is a way to keep the arguments as just minor arguments. When one partner is mad about something, the other should be listening to him/her quietly without a word. It will definitely make the angry partner cool down. Once everything is cooled, reason out the argument from both partners' point of view.

Anthony Peters

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