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Nice Guys Get Lucky

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Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey
Men always ask us why women won't sleep with nice guys. We will. It's just that jerks have been able to perfect the first-impression package that catches our attention. And in our years as sex-advice columnists, it has become clear that you good guys can learn from the players. Just follow these steps to score like a jerk -- without becoming one yourself.

Be confident.

Without this, you might as well forget the next eight steps, 'cause you ain't getting laid. We don't care what kind of Jedi mind trick it takes -- a Raging Bull-style motivational speech in the bathroom mirror, or imagining her with a massive zit on her nose -- you should force your body to act confident.

Don't slouch; do nod and smile when she's talking; and put your beer on the bar between sips, rather than clutching it like a life preserver. Because if you don't believe in yourself as a sex machine, she never will.

But don't be arrogant.

If you lay it on too thick and make yourself the focus (or, worse, the hero) of every story you tell, you know what we'll think? That you're insecure and desperate, and have something to prove. We can spot a Napoleon complex within 60 seconds.

What we like instead is self-deprecation -- a guy who can laugh at himself. Make fun of yourself in the past tense. Everyone loves to bond about what dorks we were in high school. It proves that you can laugh at yourself while subtly conveying that you've become way cooler. One boyfriend of Lo's won her over by breaking out his hilariously hideous 1995 driver's-license photo. But be careful not to overdo the self-deprecation, lest you fail the next step.

Don't whine, complain, or bitch.

About anything -- it's seriously unsexy. If you can't get a bartender's attention, for example, don't sigh loudly and complain about the service -- laugh it off and ask her to give it a shot instead. And your problem at work? Don't care! We're drinking, here!

Stop being so considerate.

Nice guys hate to offend, so they add "just kidding" after every sarcastic comment. It's the equivalent of smiley emoticons. You don't have to be so gushing and eager to please. Poke fun at her girly drink, her jukebox selections, her brick of a joke. You know, the way you made fun of the girls you really liked when you were in sixth grade.
Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey

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