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The truth about Russian women seeking love, romance and marriage in the West is that they are not exotic beings who are very different from their Western sisters. They are special in the sense that what you see in the Internet catalogues are only the best, and those best were chosen from a very specific category of women who were brave and intelligent enough to start this adventure.

The only statement of dating agencies that is close to the truth, is that Russian women make good wives. Brought up in the situation where anybody depends on everybody (see Family Life for the details), they are very flexible and easily adapt to any situation. They are used to compromise.

Russian women seeking partners accept the rules of the game and act according to the representations originated from dating agencies. In some extent both agencies and women believe that all the positive myths considered above are true. Internal intentions stay invisible and sometimes even unconscious.

The nature of Internet acquaintances creates the illusion of personal contact that develops with a time into feeling of intimacy and closeness. Partly it's a result that despite a relatively prolonged communication, a potential couple still acts according to standards of "the first date" diligently demonstrating their best qualities (sometimes even non-existing) and disguising shortcomings. Mediated contacts speed up building atmosphere of honesty and trust, which is initially false in its nature. Partners quickly move into an intimate zone where they can talk about questions rarely discussed even with the closest friends. The duration of acquaintance creates an illusion of a stable relationship.

In reality the partners are still strangers to each other. A personal meeting may confirm that the choice was right, or destroy this conception but still doesn't give a final answer. Marriages between Russian women and Western men are marriages between two people who hardly know each other. Success of those marriages depends on acceptance of the rules of the game for the both parties. An honest player will observe the rules securing the successful final of the game.

Generally this type of marriages have better chances for surviving than the ones entered in a usual way, even if it may seem absurd from the first sight. (According to USCIS (former INS) study, the success rate in international marriages is 80% after 5 years comparing with 50% of "normal" marriages - i.e. 4 international couples out of 5 are still married after 5 years while every second "normal" marriage ends in divorce. Makes you think!)

Marriage through a dating agency gives the partners definite obligations towards each other, which they have to keep. The decision made is always conscious, and there is no room for blaming circumstances or the other people in a possible failure. On the subjective level a couple experiences a negative pressure from the society, which makes the partners stick together.

And you know, when you act in accordance to some role for a while, eventually it becomes natural for you. Generally, we all play roles during our lives, and playing a role of a good wife for some time changes the woman herself. A man has a good wife, but he is not married to the same person that she was in Russia.

The old saying is: "Nobody gets married to his wife. One got married to his fiancee, but it was a completely different person..." In the case of Russian - Western marriages it's suddenly true.

Thus, marriage to a Russian woman has good chances to be successful. Myths created around those marriages do not influence the essential content of life-long partnership, and don't change natural human aspirations. Happiness, fidelity and devotion have always been the most precious values in life, and there is no difference which way makes them work.

The sun revolves around the earth, or the other way around - does it really matter, as long as it shines?

Elena Petrova for
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