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Things Men Find Romantic
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Things Men Really Find Romantic
It may not be immediately obvious, but yes, ladies, men do like a little romance in their lives … you just may have to help them out with it a little bit. Here, 12 ways to do just that …
Men aren't supposed to like romance, right? Well, that's the theory, anyway. In practice, men may not always like to call it romance (and hence identify ourselves as sissies), but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship long after our commitment's been cemented. In short, we want to romance you ... and we secretly want you to romance us.
But as you're probably well aware, it's within the finer points of love that gender differences rear their ugly heads. "When men are asked to define romance, they typically use these words: mystery, intrigue, sensuality, lingerie, passion and neverending sex," says Doug Fields, author of Creative Romance. A half dozen words — "I'm looking forward to making love" — will get his heart racing. The flowery stuff, the roses and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work.
1. Dress Up for Him
A long, long time ago, your husband bought you some lingerie. Remember? You wore it once or twice, then stuffed it deep in the back of a drawer. Well, the time has come to dig it out. "Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know. "Take him shopping and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in or some lingerie he finds sexy."
If the idea of donning a Victoria's Secret number for your husband seems somehow tawdry, don't sweat it: Remember, you're doing this for him, not for you. And, as psychologist Ronald Goldstein, Ph.D., a marriage counselor in Newtown, Pennsylvania, explains: "Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented." Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into our debauched little fantasy worlds. If we're hard-wired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge us — and use it to your advantage?
2. Touch Him All Over, All the Time
I'm not talking about sex, and I'm not talking about massage — just plain old run-of-the-mill touching. Whether you're playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on our shoulders while scooting behind our chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you ... I love you ... We're a team."
Again, this doesn't have to lead to anything but if it does, so much the better. "Learn to love and appreciate all of your man's body," says De Angelis. "This will give you time to become more aroused and make him feel like you love every part of him." In other words, let your fingers do the talking.
3. Give Him a Night Out with the Boys — No Strings Attached
It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional). All the married men I know miss those carefree nights out with the guys — a fact many of the married women I know find unnecessarily threatening. When I look back on my single days, it's the male companionship I miss, not the cornucopia of gorgeous single gals (okay, okay — the handful of pretty good-looking single gals). Honestly.
Now, maybe you have no problem with our stepping out occasionally for some beers with the pals. But — and this is the hard part — how can we possibly ask? At some earlier point in our relationship, remember, you accused us of choosing our friends over you, and now we're gun-shy about confessing a need to shoot pool with Bill or see a ball game with Fred.
Make it easy for us, just once in awhile, and we'll love you for it. Suggest we call up Fred for the ball game next Saturday and watch our eyes light up. As an over-the-top bonus, tell us we don't have to call at midnight to check in. It demonstrates trust, and it shows you're truly trying to make your husband happy, not just making an empty romantic gesture. Your gift won't be soon forgotten. After all, when your wife demonstrates new-girlfriend coolness, what could be more romantic than that?
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