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Things Parents Had Taught You

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20 Things I Wish My Parents Had Taught Me About Sex, Love And Life.

I know, I knowthis could be a book. Actually, Im pretty sure a lot of people have made oodles of money on books just like this. But Ill keep my list short and sweet: things I wish my folks had had the balls to be blunt enough (or perceptive, or pre-cognitive enough) to tell me when I was young.

Feel free to add your own thoughts and additions to this listand maybe we all take them into consideration as we venture forth, date and (maybe) procreate!

1) You never have to decide what you want to be when you grow up

2) You dont have to be a grown up to be doing what you love

3) Youll probably never be certain youre finally a grown up

4) Never use sex as an exchange of power

5) Dont do anything in bed that isnt fun for youits not the place to make small sacrifices for someone else.

6) Moisturize (especially your face) everyday

7) Smoking gives you wrinkles (scarier than cancer to young people, I think)

8) You are the only one who gets to decide what is acceptable behavior for you

9) If using your breasts or flirty eyes to get what you want/need works and doesnt make you feel bad about yourself, go for it. You should use every tool at your disposal. That doesnt make you cheap, it makes you clever and resourceful.

10) Dont neglect to keep your mind and intellectual powers as strong as they can be just because you find that your tits will get you most anything you want.

11) At some point, you will break up with someone who loves you more than you love them. Always be nice to this person. Never bored/drunk booty call this person. Its very unkind.

12) Just because love ends, doesnt mean it wasnt very real

13) There are other ways to work out your hormonally-instigated maternal instincts that dont involve having a baby.

14) Keep your own supply of condoms

15) Pay attention to the balls. The balls are important.

16) If you know your body well enough and put enough effort into sexual communication with your partner, there is absolutely no reason for a woman to not climax every time.

17) 30 is not old. 30 is very young.

18) You can pretty much live off peanut butter in a pinch, at least for a few days.

19) Masturbation isnt for sad, selfish, or lonely peopleits like practicing making meals at home a lot before taking a job cooking in a restaurant; its just makes good sense.

20) Spend enough time being singleaccumulate a lifestyle that makes you happy and find someone who fits that. Dont keep going through a never-ending series of adaptations to someone elses way of life.


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