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Trust and Jealousy

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Is your partner over-protective? Smothering? Do you feel attached at the hip? Does your relationship suffer from a serious lack of trust?

Before I start, I need to specify that this article is written from the perspective of a non violent relationship. If your situation is violent or threatening, the following is not written for you. You need to seek further help, beyond the scope of this article.

I'm going to take the unpopular approach to this subject. If you want mainstream information, there is plenty of it out there. But I'm going to take the road not traveled...

You are probably expecting me to tell you how your partner has no reason to treat you this way, and that if they don't trust you, they don't love you. This is generally true and I'm not criticizing such advice. However this article will focus on the unexplored side of this subject. I'm speaking of the messages we send our partners, and how they build or destroy trust.

Some rules to follow...

A: Be honest with yourself. Does your spouse have a reason to mistrust you? Evaluate your true motives, and your true virtues. If you are hanging out at night clubs, trying to pick-up, or be picked up, don't think for a minute that a spouse cannot read the writing on the wall, So maybe you shouldn't be so angry at your spouses mistrust. Your relationship will constantly be harmed until you fix the root of the problem, and remove the need to stray from your commitment.

B: It is not cute or funny to openly show attraction to members of the opposite sex. Especially not in front of your significant other. If you give yourself whiplash spinning around to check out every hottie who passes by, you are only working to tear apart any trust that your relationship may still have. If this sounds like you, then I'm willing to bet that your partner does not act the same way. If the situation were reversed, you would better understand the hurt that is felt, and likely would not act in such a way.

C: Compliment your spouse. Remind them of their special qualities. Don't take for granted that they know. If you make them feel secure in their relationship, and your love for them, they will be more trusting of you. However it's not enough to just compliment them, you also have to add Passion, Spontaneity and Sincerity. After reading our relationship articles this will come more easily.

D: Remember that you can fool some of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time. And people will never forget your dishonest dealings.


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