How to Keep Passion Alive
|Susie and Otto Collins|
|Somewhere in the back of your mind, during all of your wedding
planning, you're probably wondering how to keep passion and
excitement alive in your relationship after the honeymoon. We think
that there are some things you can begin doing right now that can not
only keep the passion you have for one another alive but also deepen
it as time goes on.
1. Consciously communicate what is most important to you in your
relationship and your life. Schedule a time each day-even if it's 15
minutes--to turn off the television, sit close and make eye contact
with each other and take turns talking about what is important to
you-what your goals and needs are-and it doesn't have to be about
your relationship. Simply communicating what you love about each
other keeps passion alive.
2. Understand, embrace and learn from your differences. First,
become aware of your differences and don't assume that your partner
thinks just like you think and his/her priorities are just like
yours. Next, talk about these differences and share what is important
to you. Remember to listen with an open heart and not judge. Just
because someone likes to do something in a little different way than
you doesn't mean it isn't the "right" way. Look at your preconceived
notions about the "right" ways to do things. Just because your mother
did something a certain way doesn't mean it has to be done that way
forever. If there are conflicts about the ways in which things are
done or where the priorities are placed, we recommend that you devise
a new way of doing things. Perhaps a third way that might be even
better than the two previous ways of looking at or doing things. Turn
your attention to appreciating each other's gifts instead of holding
onto what we think is the "right way to do it."
3. Leave all the stuff from previous relationships with those old
relationships. The "old stuff" will come up-it always does-- and
you'll wonder if this is the person you married. The trick that
we've found is for each person to become aware that it is "old
stuff" from previous relationships and that this is an opportunity to
heal. Learn to help each other recognize, in a way that can be
heard, when old destructive patterns are emerging. Instead of being
judgmental, be a friend when your spouse goes into these patterns and
ask that he/she does the same for you.
4. Don't run away when things get tough. We decided early in our
relationship that we were willing to keep talking until we resolve
our differences and not run away from them like in previous
relationships. We were also willing to "kill the monsters" while
they are little. In other words, when we feel something coming
between us, we tell the other person how we are feeling without
pointing fingers at him/her.
5. Make conscious agreements with your partner. Conscious
agreements do not take the passion and mystery out of the
relationship. We've found it to be just the opposite. They require
you to take an inventory of what you want and be honest with each
other. We've created agreements about giving gifts to each other,
where and how to spend time at holidays, how we want to be greeted by
each other when we come home and how we want to be loved. Conscious
agreements build trust.
6. Treat each day as if it were your last together. From the
beginning of our relationship, we practice using loving words with
each other and express our gratitude to the other for being in our
lives. We are well aware that this day may be our last together.
There are no guarantees in life. When we talk about each other to
other people, we are conscious of using loving words instead of
critical ones. We think that this kindness in words and expressing
gratitude are important ingredients that help create and maintain
trust, intimacy, and passion in our relationship. Choose to build
each other up instead of tear each other down. Choose to love each
other with thoughts, actions, and words and you will see a positive
difference in your relationship.
These are 6 ways that we use everyday to deepen our passion and make
our relationship sensational. Love is a miracle. Choose to treat
your relationship as the wonderful gift it is.
|Susie and Otto Collins|