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How to Keep Passion Alive

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Susie and Otto Collins
Somewhere in the back of your mind, during all of your wedding

planning, you're probably wondering how to keep passion and

excitement alive in your relationship after the honeymoon. We think

that there are some things you can begin doing right now that can not

only keep the passion you have for one another alive but also deepen

it as time goes on.

1. Consciously communicate what is most important to you in your

relationship and your life. Schedule a time each day-even if it's 15

minutes--to turn off the television, sit close and make eye contact

with each other and take turns talking about what is important to

you-what your goals and needs are-and it doesn't have to be about

your relationship. Simply communicating what you love about each

other keeps passion alive.

2. Understand, embrace and learn from your differences. First,

become aware of your differences and don't assume that your partner

thinks just like you think and his/her priorities are just like

yours. Next, talk about these differences and share what is important

to you. Remember to listen with an open heart and not judge. Just

because someone likes to do something in a little different way than

you doesn't mean it isn't the "right" way. Look at your preconceived

notions about the "right" ways to do things. Just because your mother

did something a certain way doesn't mean it has to be done that way

forever. If there are conflicts about the ways in which things are

done or where the priorities are placed, we recommend that you devise

a new way of doing things. Perhaps a third way that might be even

better than the two previous ways of looking at or doing things. Turn

your attention to appreciating each other's gifts instead of holding

onto what we think is the "right way to do it."

3. Leave all the stuff from previous relationships with those old

relationships. The "old stuff" will come up-it always does-- and

you'll wonder if this is the person you married. The trick that

we've found is for each person to become aware that it is "old

stuff" from previous relationships and that this is an opportunity to

heal. Learn to help each other recognize, in a way that can be

heard, when old destructive patterns are emerging. Instead of being

judgmental, be a friend when your spouse goes into these patterns and

ask that he/she does the same for you.

4. Don't run away when things get tough. We decided early in our

relationship that we were willing to keep talking until we resolve

our differences and not run away from them like in previous

relationships. We were also willing to "kill the monsters" while

they are little. In other words, when we feel something coming

between us, we tell the other person how we are feeling without

pointing fingers at him/her.

5. Make conscious agreements with your partner. Conscious

agreements do not take the passion and mystery out of the

relationship. We've found it to be just the opposite. They require

you to take an inventory of what you want and be honest with each

other. We've created agreements about giving gifts to each other,

where and how to spend time at holidays, how we want to be greeted by

each other when we come home and how we want to be loved. Conscious

agreements build trust.

6. Treat each day as if it were your last together. From the

beginning of our relationship, we practice using loving words with

each other and express our gratitude to the other for being in our

lives. We are well aware that this day may be our last together.

There are no guarantees in life. When we talk about each other to

other people, we are conscious of using loving words instead of

critical ones. We think that this kindness in words and expressing

gratitude are important ingredients that help create and maintain

trust, intimacy, and passion in our relationship. Choose to build

each other up instead of tear each other down. Choose to love each

other with thoughts, actions, and words and you will see a positive

difference in your relationship.

These are 6 ways that we use everyday to deepen our passion and make

our relationship sensational. Love is a miracle. Choose to treat

your relationship as the wonderful gift it is.

Susie and Otto Collins

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