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Friendship With An Ex

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Steve Steiner
Friendship With An Ex Is Possible?

What's the possibility of being friends with an ex after you break up with her? It's a famous query: "Can we be just friends?" Happily, the answer is yes, but not always. Reconciliation will be easier if you're friends, but that can't be the goal of becoming friends after a breakup. Once the relationship's been dissolved, how do you go about being friends? Follow these five tips to get the ball rolling.

Being Friends With an Ex Tip #1: You must start putting your lives together as single people, and that includes forgiving each other. Don't think that you can be "just friends" if you're harboring a grudge against her. Put the past behind you - and you can't do that if you try to keep talking about it. Concentrate on the future and leave the past where it belongs - in the past. Bringing up the past will do no good, and will probably do a great deal of harm.

Being Friends With an Ex Tip#2: There's no more romance - that's a fact. You've got to accept it. The relationship is over and she's no longer your girlfriend. You've simply got to accept that fact. You've got to let the relationship go completely and accept the fact that the most you can be with her is "just friends." Reconciliation is the real goal most men have when they agree to be "just friends" with their ex. Really - the romance is over. You're going to see her with other men, for instance, and you cannot expect to have a real friendship with her if you let yourself get jealous. How would you feel, for example, if she got jealous when she saw you with another woman?

Being Friends With an Ex Tip# 3: Don't expect miracles overnight. Healing takes time! Now this is a critical point: if she doesn't want to be friends, you must honor your ex's wishes. Don't forget, she's also hurting. Perhaps she'll change her mind once some time's gone by and she'd had a chance to recover some. Considering the pain you're both enduring, a friendship with your ex immediately after a breakup is pretty far-fetched anyway. Here's an important point: make certain that you're over the pain before you start trying to establish a friendship with her.

Being Friends With an Ex Tip#4: Don't go out of your way to communicate with her. Calling and texting all the time are for romantic relationships, not "just friends." A relationship of "just friends" means that you give each other plenty of breathing room. You may be telling yourself that calling and texting her all the time is bringing the two of you closer. If that's the case, you're lying to yourself. So don't overdo it. Call her every now and then, and text her, but overall, keep your distance.

Being Friends With an Ex Tip#5: Finally, if you want to be her friend, treat her like one. Gifts and cards and special treats are for girlfriends. Not "just friends." You must have some platonic friendships with women. Treat her the way you treat them. If you just treat her like you would any of your other friends, youll be able to make it through the potentially awkward phase that follows the breakup.

If you want to be friends with your ex, though, that has to be the goal. If you want to use a friendship as a steppingstone to getting back together as a couple, you'll probably fail at both. If you manage to become good friends, that's great! She's still the same person you were attracted to in the first place. You should recognize if you cannot make a friendship with her, and move on with your life even if she's not a part of it. A life without her is possible, and remember what they say - when one door closes, others open.

Steve Steiner

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