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Dear Ilona!

My boyfriend Alexander is a musician, which is just one of the things that I love and respect about him. I admire his creativity and talent tremendously. Lately I am miserable when he goes on tour, or plays late at night. I've tried talking with him about it, but it only makes things worse. The more I express my frustration with his schedule, the more I feel him pulling away. What should I do to spend more time together?



Dear Andrea,

With regards to his career, there is nothing he can do to change his schedule. You knew when you first met him that a musician has erratic hours. You can't control his schedule, and talking with him about it only comes across as nagging. The more you bring up this subject and try to control him, the more you risk discord. If you want to continue harmoniously, you must fine tune your behavior and accept his schedule completely. If it is too difficult - and no one would argue that having someone who is out of town often and physically unavailable is very tough to deal with - than you have every right to walk away and find something that feels better.

Dear Ilona!

My girlfriend Nicole is gorgeous, sexy and sweet. I've never been more attracted to anybody in my life. Of course, there's one chink in the beautiful armor, which is that I just don't feel we are intellectual equals. Do you think this is reason enough to break up with someone?



Dear Sam,

While it is important to have two or three non negotiable items in a partner, it is critical to accept the fact that no one person can fulfill all your needs. Girl 'A' may be your intellectual equal with a wonderful social circle but won't have the sensuality you crave. Girl 'B' will be sexy and elegant but wont like football. The point is, pick a couple of things that are THE MOST important to you, and let go of the rest.

As relationship expert Pat Allen says, we are attracted to people in three ways: physically, mentally and emotionally. Of course we want all three equally, but the best anyone can hope for is satisfaction with two out of three.


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