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Derek Vitalio
Get the better of fear when approaching a woman by training your brain to THINK you are relaxed and confident.

There is no spoon.

Oh yeah? Then why do you feel like youre GAGGING on a spoon every time you approach a woman?

Simple, really; you haven't yet TRAINED your BRAIN.

Back to that in a moment, first, you need to understand three factors of success with women.

#1 Relaxed Confidence

#2 Relaxed Confidence

#3 Relaxed Confidence

Woman can smell relaxed confidence. I'm not talking about arrogance; that is something else entirely.

No, I'm talking about smooth, playful, nothing phases you, relaxed confidence.

I wonder who it was that said, Perception is Reality? Well, I guess it doesn't really matter WHO said it, the fact is- its true.

How you perceive your reality affects the reality around you. When you have relaxed confidence, women treat you completely differently.

Back to your brain

You know, sometimes old-timey advice pays off. The old X is as scared of you as you are of it adage has something to offer when approaching a woman.

Now, I know it doesnt FEEL that way. Thats okay, because we're grown men, and we have control over our feelings, right? Picture it now:

You are facing down a rattlesnake and you hear your dad's voice in your head.

Your Dad: Dont worry, son, that rattler is more scared of you than you are of it.

You: Thanks, dad, but if that son of a bitch bites me, that pearl of wisdom isn't going to suck out the venom, is it?

All right, so sometimes fear gets the better of us. The trick is not letting that stop you. Its okay to feel fear, but if you let it stop you, then youve hit a wall.

Funny thing about fear; the more you whoop it, the less power it has over you.

Think back to the last time you stood up like a man with relaxed confidence in the face of the adversity and made things work in your favor.

No, not the last time you dragged yourself to a bar in spite of yourself and smiled to a woman across the room. I mean something where you had relaxed confidence and SUCCEEDED.

All right, get it in your mind. It doesnt have to be an experience with women- it could be any moment in your life. For example, entering a big test with relaxed confidence or walking onto the sports field for a big game with relaxed confidence- or directing a project with relaxed confidence.

Remember how that made you feel?

Well, you need to feel like that BEFORE you approach a woman.

Well come back to this memory. We'll call it your Good Times memory.

Most things are like that, by the way. The more you work at them, the easier they become. Its called PRACTICE. But here is a funny little short cut:

You dont need to actually physically practice at something to make your brain think you are good at it.

The lump of grey matter in your noggin is a super-sophisticated computer, and one if its main functions is to do what you tell it to do.

If you tell it what it wants to hear, it always follow directions.

Say you are sitting across the room from the girl you want to approach, and the standard pre-approach arrhythmia comes over you. Try this little exercise:

Think back to your Good Times memory. Take your eyes off the woman you want: scan the crowd, close your eyes, whatever. Just focus on that memory and the way it made you feel. Relax. Keep replaying your victory moment over and over again.

See? You ARE a winner.

Youve just hoodwinked your brain. See, all those times before, when you wanted to approach a woman, you've set yourself up as a failure.

You keep recalling what it felt like to fail and all the little things that go along with it.

And, because we like to torture ourselves, we imagine extra badness; like all of her girlfriends mocking us, or the guys at the bar shaking their heads.

We probably had a bit of toilet paper stuck to our shoe as well.

Its because our brains like to give us whatever we ask for, even unconsciously. So when you are approaching the babe at the bar, somewhere in you is the thought, I can't do this.

This thought triggers the brain, which goes, Hey, right, he can't do this. OH NO! What if he tries? I have to stop him; quick, I'll flood him with all the horrible things that could happen to him!

But now, using the good feelings and confidence brought on by your Good Times memory, your brain is thinking Wow, he sure is a winner. Didn't he look good when he stood up like that and won?

Before you know it, your body is being flooded with feel-good stuff, which in turn makes you relaxed, which in turn boosts confidence, which in turn alerts the brain to release more feel-good stuff

See where Im going?

Here is another little secret- women don't like to feel uncomfortable any more than men. So when a sweaty, twitchy stranger approaches them and stutters out a greeting, guess what THEIR brain is doing?

OH CRAP! This guy is getting ready to HIT on me!

Now what if, instead, this woman looked around and saw a friendly, smiling stranger who smoothly walked up and confidently said, hello with relaxed confidence?

Womans Brain: Hmmm. Who IS this guy?

Which reaction would YOU rather get?

Me, Id go for Relaxed Confidence over Freaked Out any day.

ACT relaxed and your brain THINKS you ARE relaxed. It releases serotonin, relaxes muscles, and regulates your breathing. Then you start to feel MORE relaxed.

ACT confident and people TREAT you as if you ARE confident. Then your brain notices this and (always following orders) continues to make you FEEL confident.

If you FEEL relaxed confidence, then you HAVE relaxed confidence.

Derek Vitalio

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