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Scott Haltzman
"I've never seen a decent marriage where there wasn't a lot of conflict. Conflict is always the result of uniqueness, the differences between two people rubbing up against each other. Lots of people try to shut themselves down in order to avoid conflict, but any two people living full and vibrant lives are going to clash at some point. If you manage it carefully and thoughtfully, conflict can actually give your marriage a shot of energy. You can have a broader, fuller, more interesting relationship."

Neil Clark Warren, Ph.D.

Sex matters; couple time matters even more.

"Often couples focus on scheduling sex and working very hard on their sex life, and they don't get anywhere. But when they focus instead on spending time togethergoing to the movies, working on a project togetherthen often a better sex life will grow out of that."

Ian Kerner, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of She Comes First and He Comes Next

How to be a couple and still be free.

Give the love you want to get. "Put out lots of love and appreciation and doing your share, and you're much more likely to get it back. Put out demands and complaining, and you'll get that back too."

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D., couples therapist and author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free

Don't get caught up in right or wrong.

"It's easy to fall into a power struggle of who's right and who's wrong, but that prevents you from actually solving the real problem. You're not going to be punished for being wrong, so don't worry about who's rightwork together to solve the problem."

Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D.

Pay back your partner using his or her currency.

"Each of us wants our mate to pay us back for our contributions, to give us positive reinforcement. But this payment needs to be in currency that we recognize. A wife may say, 'The way I show I care is that I make his bed every day,' but if he doesn't even notice that, it's ineffective. Get to know what your partner is looking for and make sure you speak his language."

Scott Haltzman, M.D.

Scott Haltzman

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