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Tina Kells
I was dumped! How can I go on?

Q: My boyfriend of 7 months dumped me unexpectedly and I don't know how to deal. I didn't see this coming at all, we had been getting along fine, and I am feeling really shocked. I asked him why and he says he doesn't know and that it just seemed like it was time to end things. What does that mean? How can I cope when I don't even know why I was dumped?

Ouch! It hurts to get dumped but when we don't know what happened to make a seemingly good relationship come to an end it is even harder. There is no easy way to deal with this and no kind words that can be offered to soften the blow. Bottom line, your guy doesn't want to be with you. It would be nice if he could tell you why but it isn't essential for you to know in order to get on with the business of being you. In holding on to this lack of closure what you are really doing is holding on to the relationship and you won't be able to heal until you let go.

First things first, accept that this relationship is over.

Mourn your loss and commit to moving on. After you have done that if you really feel you want to know why he broke things off take a deep breath, brace yourself for things you will not want to hear, and ask him to be brutally honest. Ask him to tell you why he ended the relationship and tell him that you don't want him to spare your feelings. Chances are that he does have reasons for breaking things off but that he thinks he is being kinder by keeping them to himself. If you really want to know you have to tell him that he is hurting you more by keeping you in the dark than he ever would be by telling you the truth.

Know this, you will not like what he says. It will hurt and you will probably not feel better after he has told you why he ended things. Most people want to know why a relationship failed so that they can try to fix those things and take another shot at making the relationship work. If this is your motive in wanting to know why things ended I strongly advise you to let it go and never bother finding out why he called it quits. If he wanted to keep the relationship and fix the problems he would have told you so, he would have come to you with his concerns and you would have worked on them together. Obviously he did not want this, he wanted out. You need to accept that. If you want to know why he eneded things in order to get closure, great, but if you want to know so you can change and convince him to give you another chance, don't bother. You won't be happy in a relationship if you can't be you. Let him go and spend your energy finding somebody who wants to be with the real you.

Tina Kells

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