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Re: It is normal when the groom is more senior than the girl for 25 years?

Author: Sam (---.dsl.irvnca.pacbell.net)
Date: 05-25-06 21:49

I had been hoping this thread would soon die, but it just won’t! It was a topic that offered not a serious inquiry, and more than anything else reflected the secret resentment of the person who started it, resentment about the fact that men are able to go after younger women! Of course the topic was juicy and attracted a lot of posts, mostly about nothing!

At its face value, the question contains its own answer! No! It is not “normal” for a man to be 25 years older than his wife! Even fifteen years is not “normal” but having agreed to that bit of common sense, where do we go from there? We certainly do not discover something that will alter anyone’s choice or even explain others’ choices to our satisfaction. So, what was the point other than to automatically get a license to sit in judgment of others who make such choices? Is that what this thread was all about: yet another way to rush to judgment of other people, their ways and their choices? At the end of the day people do what they want to do, whether we think it is normal or not, they will have their own reasons for what they want and their own consequences to reap. This topic from the beginning was meant to create a basis to ridicule men who make questionable or risky choices, a ridicule that led to the men collectively being called “grandpa’s!” I don’t remember any Russian lady saying that word was rude!

But then Olga was not the only one doing this. The majority of people who post here are quick to make judgments about others, and personal attacks are more common than displays of natural curiosity about the other culture and its people. And that brings me to the point I wanted to make about our newcomer’s post, Olesya, saying how the men are aggressive! And the fact is they are. They are as aggressive as the women are judgmental & sensitive to every statement made and sometimes to each word! Yes, by Russian standards Americans are rude! I like my fellow Americans & Canadians; but unfortunately they think our sense of humor is a universal language! I am sure our Canadian friend who posted, “I WOULDN'T WRITE YOU HUN IF IWAS 30...........HEEE, HEEE” doesn’t mean to be rude to Olesya; he’s probably a decent fellow in many ways; but he simply doesn’t know how to address a Russian lady whom he does not know! He may be surprised to hear that only last year Russia’s most popular male rock star soon regretted the fact that he used publicly one profane word in responding to a lady journalist’s question: he was convicted in court; fined heavily, and was publicly condemned in virtually every major newspaper or talk show in the country. Generally speaking manners are very important in Russia; I know because I have seen it first hand; what matters in America, generally speaking, is being able to shoot off our mouth, or pen in this case, and being funny!

I am not taking sides here; the more I read things in forums; the more I read political news, and the more countries I visit and begin to like, the more I feel I am a man without a country! And so I find many things regrettable in this forum: the fact that the men are aggressive and at times silly; the fact that the women take every statement from a handful of men here or take a singular life experience as bases to make judgments about all men or all Americans, Italians, Turks and so on and on. So how about if we all agreed on two basic ideas about how to co-exist on a forum? One; do not make collective judgments about an entire culture when all you know about them is a few posts or letters from a few strangers. Two, if someone posts something stupid, rude, or silly, just ignore them! I have been doing it most of the time! It works! As I see it, I won’t get into the mud to teach a pig how to behave: we will both get dirty, but only the pig likes it!

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