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Developing Yourself

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Jeff Herring
Concentrate On Yourself

Now that we have looked at a few of the obstacles to finding a soul mate, let's consider a few tips that might aid in the search.

Becoming the right person vs. looking for the right person. This means at least two things:

1) developing yourself to the point that you become eligible to be someone's right person and

2) adjusting your own relationship radar so that you bring yourself into contact with suitable potential partners.

The truth of this has been borne out in my interviews with hundreds of couples. When I ask the question "How did you two find each other?" countless people say that, when they stopped looking and focused on something else in their lives, their current partners just showed up.

It's an interesting paradox - finding by not looking.

Know What You Are Looking For

I was on a radio program recently when a man phoned in to say that going to singles meetings looking for a partner is like going to a used-car lot to find a nice car. I bet he gets lots of dates.

That aside, a different car analogy is useful here. When we go shopping for a car, we usually have a mental list of things we must have in a car as well as things we would like to have. Sometimes, we find one with many things we would like to have, but without one of the must-haves. It would still drive OK, but it's just not for us.

Looking for a soul mate, it's important to know what you would like to have and what you must have. That's a list worth developing.

Jeff Herring

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